Wow, I am Going to Buy A Lottery Ticket

Posted on May 23, 2012 by sepiacharm

All right , it’s time for me to go out and buy a lottery ticket. Obviously this is my lucky week…I’ve been nominated for yet another award. Here is a great big THANK-YOU to Justbetweencousin for the nomination for the Versatile blogger award. I am completely overwhelmed. I really believed I was blogging into an over crowded electronic world with my words being lost into the vast black hole of the cyber space.

stop and pinch the roses

Posted on May 23, 2012 by sepiacharm

according to gardenguides.com, knockout roses are “small bush roses that produce little pink, yellow or red flowers. The bushes have been designed to resist certain diseases and survive drought conditions for a period of time. The height of these roses can get upwards of 4 feet if not maintained, and the plants can spread outward the same distance…” they’ve been described as the perfect bush, because of these traits. i had hot pink ones at my last house and with no effort they grew very big, really fast. so, when we planned our landscaping for this house, i was eager to include them. however, 2 years later, they’re still pretty close to their original size. i’m not sure what’s up with that, but i’ve been trying to give them a little extra TLC, by pinching off the spent blooms. while this is not required for knockouts, i read that doing so would encourage new blooms to produce more quickly, and i’m impatient, so there…

while doing this exercise, i got a bit of an epiphany. when you pluck the wilted bloom, the plant can dedicate its energy to bursting forth the bud that lies just beneath. if you look closely, you can see it there…waiting. sure, if you don’t pluck it, it will eventually fall off, but after time and energy has been spent. isn’t that true with life too? sometimes we allow things to linger in our lives that have wilted… relationships, jobs, past pains, grief. some of it will eventually let go and fall to the wayside, but we can’t fully birth our next big thing while hanging on to this dead weight.

so how do we pinch off the dead junk and make room for the lovely blooms that lie beneath? like with the roses, some of it is easily plucked off. as soon as you address it, it crumbles. but some of it is much more resistant, you have to give a more forceful tug to get rid of it, try a little harder…dig a little deeper. and then of course, there are the thorns. the thorns can prick us as we try to get in there and clean out the mess, and man does it hurt. but, if it makes the blooms come more quickly, isn’t it worth it?

sometimes, after you pinch off those dead heads you might wonder if you’ve done the right thing. you might look at those bushes, which had moments ago been filled with pink flowers (albeit, dying ones) and believe that those pitiful blooms were better than none. as you survey the emptiness, you might even feel a sense of loss. but in very little time, when the bush is bursting with even more beautiful and abundant flowers, you will know you’ve made a wise choice. likewise when we clean house in our lives, we might miss that old junk, because we’ve gotten so used to it being there. but then some thing or some person or some opportunity arrives and we know it couldn’t have had this until we made room for it.

what can i say? they don’t speak for me…

Posted on May 12, 2012 by sepiacharm

this blog is usually dedicated to design and its link to anecdotes from my life. i usually focus on very pleasant and charming moments, but this week, as north carolina passed amendment one, a knot developed in my gut that could not be ignored. ironically i was working on a very light-hearted post related to weddings (after weeks of writer’s block), when news broke about the vote. as friends spoke out for and against, via facebook and other social media, i felt really terrified. was i just going to sit back and passively observe this, or was i prepared to tell the world how i felt? at first, i was not, but for reasons i’ll reveal later, i changed my mind… so here goes.

i am Christian, which means i love Christ and i accept Him as my savior. He is the ultimate teacher and the ultimate authority. so what did Jesus say was most important to Him?

…Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

29“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.^e 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’^f 31The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^g There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:28-31)

i’m troubled by any rhetoric that says “if you’re a Christian, you should think_____.” i’m troubled when scripture is taken out of context and used to justify the unjust. mainly because, as an african-american woman, i am well aware of other times in our nation’s history where scripture was used to withhold rights. for instance, God-fearing Christians of the south relied on the following scripture to justify slavery:

“Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers. He also said, ‘Blessed be the Lord, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem. May God extend the territory of Japheth; may Japeth live in the tents of Shem and may Canaan be his slave’. ” (Genesis 9:25-27)

… so forgive me if i approach issues of faith and policy with a pinch of apprehension.

besides, i remember older bibles with the words of Jesus in red. someone along the way decided His words were so important and so powerful that they should stand out from the rest of the text. so when Jesus Himself declares “the most important” commandment, i say it’s pretty safe to say Christians should take them to heart. to paraphrase, Jesus said, believe in one God and love Him with all that you are and love your neighbor as you love yourself. these are the keys, according to Jesus, right?

yes, there are multiple scriptures in the bible where we are told that a man shall leave his mother and be united with his wife and that the two shall become one, thereby establishing a male-female relationship. however, i’m not sure that Jesus ever says, explicitly, that a man cannot be united with man, or that a woman cannot be united with a woman. i am not a biblical scholar, but i believe it’s not may place to extrapolate. however, He does EXPLICITLY say:

“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10: 11-12)

and yet, divorce is rampant in the Christian community, directly defying the word of God. is sin not sin? what if there were suggested legislation that said no one could get divorced, EVER, for any reason?

i don’t know exactly what God expects of us except to love Him and to act, in love, towards ALL His children. therefore my heart was heavy with conviction as our congregation was strongly encouraged to vote for amendment 1 by the pastor of my church, whom i respect a great deal, and yet i wasn’t sold. was this vote really the tipping point for all that is wrong in our society, as suggested? i humbly believe that i can think of many other things that must truly disturb our heavenly father.

eventually i was resolved to not voice my opinion on this. my children attend a Christian school and many of the parents and faculty were openly for amendment one. i didn’t really want to get into debates or become the “Skeeter” of my community, but then my bestie posted the restoration hardware’s image on the left, on facebook, with this quote: “When we FEARLESSLY fight for what we believe in, and remain HOPELESSLY optimistic about life, love and the future, we create an authentic connection with all those in our path, most importantly with ourselves.” then, my daughter did a brave thing. she debated this very controversial subject with her bible teacher, at school, in front of her class. and while she didn’t change his mind with her arguments (which were partially influenced by a discussion we’d had at breakfast, the morning after the vote), he did ultimately congratulate her on her courage. if she could courageously speak her mind, shouldn’t i?

so, in case i haven’t been clear, i’m against amendment one. i’m sad that it passed. i’m also sad that so many people were devastated by the vote and now possibly feel that the Great Comforter is not on their side, because those who say they represent Him, have rolled up their welcome mats.

you make me wanna say i do…again

Posted on April 24, 2012 by sepiacharm

my first post in weeks, but first a little background. the truth is i didn’t publish this post when i finished it on tuesday due to the passing of amendment one in north carolina that same night. i didn’t feel right frivolously talking about weddings, when an entire segment of our community was in mourning over this legislation that would deny them access to the institution of marriage. so, i wrote this post instead, a reaction to this controversial vote. it’s taken me a few days to work up the nerve, but i’m publishing them both: the bitter and the sweet… isn’t life full of irony? nevertheless, i’m glad to be back.

a couple of weeks ago my hubby’s cousin got married in new jersey. the wedding was absolutely fabulous. the bride and her mom did a wonderful job planning every detail. the venue was gorgeous, the staff was impeccable, the signature cocktails were delish, the food was amazing, the music was nostalgic and, the centerpieces were impressive (hydrangeas, my favorites). most importantly, the beautiful couple beamed with joy. the only problem was no one warned them that they might not have as much fun as their guests. there was so much required of the couple, from taking tons of photos, to making their rounds to guests, that they got very little time to just cut loose and have fun. they didn’t even get to indulge in any of the food that i’m sure was meticulously selected. but i think this is pretty typical of weddings…

attending the wedding got me reminiscing about the planning of my own big day. as a twenty-five year old bride, i wanted every detail to be perfect. back then there was no pinterest, so in typical me-fashion i bought every bridal magazine i could find. my favorites were definitely martha stewart weddings, and i had visions of my images gracing those pages. alas, i never submitted the photos anywhere, but i really unleashed my inner-designer upon my wedding. no detail was overlooked…except for one: we had ourselves on such a tight timeline, that we didn’t schedule in having fun and just cutting loose. just as was the case with my favorite newlyweds, we (meaning i–hubby just wanted to shuck it all and have fun) were so consumed with executing every detail with royal-wedding (well, i was marrying a knight), that i found myself stressed out and kind of negative-nelly-ish.

to this date, people tell us that some of the best wedding cake they’ve ever had was at our wedding. i wouldn’t know. i only recall that moment of wondering if my groom would smash the cake on my face (he didn’t). they also say the food was amazing. i wouldn’t know. i do recall the tasting that took place prior to the wedding, and describing that we wanted the green beans to be more southern-style (we were in ohio). in short, we’ve been told that our guests had a wonderful time at our fabulous wedding. if only the bride and groom could experience it from the same POV as the guests.

even still, i would totally plan another wedding in a heartbeat! i’ve even started a pinterest board called i do, maybe we’ll renew our vows in this way someday. but if i could go back and give my 25 year-old self (or any other bride reading this) some advice it would be:

1) choose timeless details and, of course, have a timeline, but don’t sweat the small stuff. some of the best moments can’t be scripted.

2) take the pictures… i swore i didn’t want the stand and pose formals, but my photographer insisted and now that both my paternal grandparents have passed away, i’m so happy to have those pics). and besides, this is probably the most gorgeous you’ll ever look.

3) get the dancing started as soon as possible. people want to party!

4) visit with your guests who aren’t on the dance floor, but still leave time to cha-cha slide, wobble, electric slide and shake your rump.

5) and most importantly, have fun! you want to look back on this day without regret. hopefully, you only get to do it once.

i’ll leave you with a two brides who weren’t afraid to let their hair down and seize the day. enjoy these selections from youTube. (i know you’ve seen them, but they’re so fun…watch them again!)

hey…what’s the big idea?!!

Posted on April 16, 2012 by sepiacharm

if i invited you to a dinner party with: jack dorsey, sara blakely, kevin systrom, mike krieger, larry page and sergey brin, many of you may not respond with any level of enthusiasm (unless you’re a fellow stanford alum…4 of the 6 attended my prestigious alma mater). but if i showed you the following images:

and told you that the afore mentioned are the founders of said life-changers, and the topic of conversation would likely focus on how they came up with their big ideas, i’m sure you’d jump at that opportunity…no?

while i wish i were hosting such a dream-team dinner party, sadly it’s just that… a dream. but wouldn’t it be incredible to spend an evening hearing how they got, not only their big ideas, but also the courage to go for them and all the nuances of getting started?!? i would sit and absorb every detail of their respective stories.

i guess i’m just a sucker for an interesting biography. i honestly love the biography channel. i equally enjoy vh1′s behind the music, the E! true hollywood story, and even espn’s 30 for 30. i’ll read books in this genre as well, not favoring any particular individuals, just anyone with a great story. i suppose it’s fascinating to me how “ordinary” people, often from humble means, find themselves leading extraordinary lives as a result of their talents, ideas, courage, faith, or combination thereof. but if i had to pick a group to focus on, i’d probably choose the big-idea-crew.

i deliberately lead this post with individuals whose names i personally had to look up, but obviously if i was putting together such a dream-team dinner party, there are several others i would include. for instance, i would have to invite novelists jk rowling (harry potter), stephanie meyer (the twilight saga), and suzanne collins (hunger games), all who’ve become household names by getting teenagers (and adults) to read and emotionally invest in their characters (once mere figments of their imaginations). and surely among the techno-geeks, i might want to add bill gates (microsoft) or marc zuckerburg (facebook) to the mix. likewise, in the fashion arena there are countless number of innovators such as: christian louboutin (why a red-bottom?…genius), or lifestyle brand-creators like ralph lauren, martha stewart, kate spade, donna karan, and tory burch or super model turned super mogul kathy ireland (just saw her story on dateline last week). speaking of moguls, surely media moguls oprah winfrey and tyler perry would need to be in attendance. and, last but not least, the obamas, who have literally changed the face of politics, would have to at least receive an invite. though i would certainly understand that the president and first lady are quite busy at the moment.

this is by no means a comprehensive list. these are just the people that have occurred to me at the moment, but the key to scoring an invitation to this soiree would be that you’ve had and put into action a big idea that has changed the way people do things or see things. because, dang it, i’m looking for my big idea and i need some inspiration! in the immortal words of robert kelly, who would not be invited (i’m just saying), “if i can see it, then i can do it/ If i just believe it, there’s nothing to it…” how could you be in a room full of innovators and not believe that R. was right?

by the way, i guess i could do another full post on how i would prep for such a dynamic event in my home. after all, i would want to charm the socks off of these movers and shakers. i’ve been compiling two party boards on pinterest: it’s my party and dinner party. i’m sure i would start there . something intimate and outdoorsy might inspire long conversation. can’t you just imagine it? no worries, i’d invite you too!

call me old-fashioned

Posted on April 6, 2012 by sepiacharm

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i’m more than a little charmed by vintage objects: typewriters, rotary phones, milk bottles, vw vans, crinolines…you get it. if it feels like it belongs to yesteryear, i’m all over it. on pinterest, i’ve created a board called “charmed i’m sure.” these images represent things that feel like a breath of fresh air. i’ve shared a few of them in the slideshow above, but feel free to click over for a broader glimpse. i’m sure the charm in these things stems from a sense of nostalgia. as the world gets slicker and sleeker, things can feel a bit cold and detached. the old-fashioned way, by contrast, feels so much sweeter.

last week, my mother-in-law messaged me through facebook. i think someone opened the account for her two years ago, but she’d never been on there. i was so shocked to receive her message that i sent her a text to confirm that no one had hacked her account! the irony is that i have been bugging her to get on there. i often post pics of my kids and never remember to shoot them to her in an email. also, sometimes you feel like once you’ve shared some tidbit on facebook, you’ve shared it. in your mind then, everybody knows, but those who aren’t on facebook actually have no idea. anyhow, turns out it was her and now i assume she’s been clicking away, taking it all in… though, i’ve yet to see her post any comments. who knows if she’ll become a regular. both my mom and my dad have facebook accounts. mom will comment on photos and post her own status updates, while dad is much more of a passive observer. only time will tell where nana will find herself on the spectrum. i hope she’ll at least put up a profile pic

still, i can totally get why that generation may hesitate to embrace this technology. certainly they don’t want our relationships to become limited to the threads of the facebook newsfeed, and nor should we. and let’s face it, we can get a little lazy. we forget to reach out directly, because we rely on facebook to keep us in touch. i found this ad on pinterest. it’s from 1958 and it still holds true: the telephone “carries friendship and love across the miles.” i can text, tweet, and facebook (forget about skype and facetime– i wan’t you to imagine that i look great, even if i’m sitting there looking a mess) with my friends and loved ones, but there’s nothing like a good, old-fashioned gabfest. i recently shared one with my friend, c. she was my maid-of-honor, but over the years we’ve (read: she’s, *wink*) been terrible about keeping in touch and, to make matters worst, she hadn’t been on facebook. also, for some reason, i didn’t imagine her as a texter, even though it’s not like she’s some grandma. as a result, we had had zero communication and i had NO idea about anything that was going on with her and vice versa. so when we spoke via phone, it was like hearing a fantastic saga. i hung on every word as she filled me in on her life. after that phone call, it was as though NO time had passed. now we’re texting and she’s logging onto facebook to stay connected, but that first conversation was irreplaceable. by the way, here’s hoping she decides to share some of her adventures, publicly… that’s right, c, i’m throwing down the gauntlet!

speaking of old-fashioned, i also think about this technology thing as it relates to my daughters and their future dating. remember when a boy had to call your home phone if he wanted to communicate with you? in doing so, he risked your mom, or worse, your dad, answering the phone: “hello, mrs. such and such, is (fill in name) available?” i’m sure it was nerve-wrecking, but it was good for them to sweat a bit and use their manners. now, i guess, boys just text or tweet or facebook a girl to let her know he’s thinking about her. i’m certain this is not a positive development! cutting out the middle man (i.e. parents) is never a good thing. i hope i can convey this to my daughters, but i’m sure it will difficult for them to understand, since these practices are becoming so antiquated.

so call me old-fashioned, but do it by phone…and don’t be surprised if you even get a busy signal (remember those?!?!?!)

not your momma’s fried chicken!

Posted on March 23, 2012 by sepiacharm

“…and it will taste just like fried chicken.” don’t those sound like famous last words? well they were and they were the prelude to what i’m sure was my worst cooking moment ever…

let me start by saying i rarely cook fried chicken. my hubby made it clear to me, very early in our marriage, that his mother makes the BEST fried chicken. that didn’t hurt my feelings or anything… her fried chicken is very good. but i did make up my mind that i wouldn’t try to compete with greatness. every now and then, however, i’ll get delusional and think it’s not that hard (this usually occurs after watching her make it )and attempt to pull it off. but mine never quite measures up to hers. so instead i opt for the no-fail, BK, baked chicken wings, a technique i learned from my hubby. these are super easy and nutritious and i’m totally good with them.

now, fast forward to my conversation with my nutritionist. i’ve been working with her to not only get myself together, but also to get my family off of the Standard American Diet (which is just plain SAD). she tells me that if i coat my organic, free-range chicken wings in coconut flour and “fry” them in coconut oil, they “will taste just like fried chicken.” please excuse me while I get a little cheeky: i don’t know dr. h’s background, in terms of where she was raised, but i’m pretty sure she’s not southern and for the purpose of you really getting this, i must also mention that she’s not a “sistah.” now, that may not be of critical importance if she was southern (i’m sure paula deen can throw down on some “momma’s fried chicken”), but i already said she’s not southern. y’all, fried chicken is a soulful dish, and, i’m sorry, everybody can’t do it justice. add to that dr. h is thin, and academy award-winning comedienne, Mo’Nique, plainly told us that “skinny cooks can’t be trusted” in her book by the same name.

nevertheless i took dr. h’s advice and made this “fried chicken” and sadly (especially given the amount of time it took to prepare) it was awful. it was soggy and the coconut flavor was pervasive. to add further insult to injury, my daughter and I decided to take on steamed artichokes,which we have never done before. and they weren’t good either… ugh!

thankfully my daughter, who’s such a smarty, had some forethought and made some stir-fried veggies too. so that’s what we ate! double-thankfully, my hubby was on the road and didn’t witness this dinnertime fiasco!

so, what’s the takeaway? i’m going to continue with this lifestyle change for myself and my family. in doing such, not only can we live without fried chicken, but we can definitely do without the wannabe fried chicken. and when my hubby gets to the point where he’s just gotta have some fried chicken…his momma can make it.

sepia charm

life thru sepia colored glasses…