in the meanwhile, i stay committed to the pursuit of all things charming. xoxo

happy day after thanksgiving!!! after declaring that i wasn’t going crazy over preparations, wednesday i got motivated to put together a nice spread for my immediate family. interestingly, somehow taking the pressure off, inspired my best work to-date. i can’t remember the last thanksgiving meal that i prepared without the assistance of my mom, dad, or mother-in-law, but this year, thanks to schedule conflicts, i had to fly solo.

preparing a holiday feast can be a daunting task. in fact, many young brides cringe at the very idea of making their first turkey. over the years, i’ve gotten pretty decent with some of the sides like sweet potatoes & macaroni and cheese. but other menu items? i have left in the hands of the “grown ups”: especially mama’s greens & sweet potato pies, daddy’s turkey and fried corn, and nana’s fried chicken (remember that post?).

at some point yesterday, i realized i have joined the ranks of the grown ups (you know that generation of moms and aunties, who have it going on in the kitchen?)! my mom came to my home and raved about my thanksgiving dinner, which i had prepared mostly from scratch. she’d had a tough week of work and had to work again today, so i didn’t feel right having her labor in the kitchen. she arrived, in perfect time, to pour herself a mocktail and sit down at my lovely table.  and, because i had done most of the work on wednesday, we were actually on time! i must say it felt wonderful to receive her compliments and watch her snap photos of the table and all of the dishes.  not that my mom is difficult, but she does know what she likes and she likes what she knows .

hubby and the kiddos also gave rave reviews on the food.  i think that my hubby can appreciate that i’ve come such a long way, from the girl who could barely boil water, to this.  although, i can’t take 100% of the credit.  my girls got in a little bit on the action too.  my older daughter (14), a fabulous cook already, prepared paula deen’s dressing from foodnetwork.com and her little sister (11) made mini apple pie bites from a recipe on pinterest.  i know in order to pass the torch, i’ll need them participating with me more and more, but for this one year, i really enjoyed being alone in the kitchen, reflecting on generations of moms, who have experienced this same rite of passage.

my confidence to host thanksgiving on a larger scale is now soaring (although, i’m still leaving the fried chicken to nana).  here’s to the stars aligning to make all of our crazy schedules work out next year.  or maybe we’ll just orchestrate a summer thanksgiving…you can never have too much gratitude.

hope you had a wonderful day enjoying the many Fs of thanksgiving:  fellowship with friends and family, fabulous food and football!

i’ve always fantasized about seeing the world! even as a high-school senior, who had never been on an airplane, I wrote my Stanford University essay on seeing the art masterpieces of the world. you see, I had been exposed to this art by way of an art history class.  i was pretty sure that the slides couldn’t possibly have done these works justice.   i don’t remember the exact essay question that was posed, but i remember that my answer specified a trip around the globe to see these beauties in person.  and thus began my thirst for travel. twenty years later, my international resume is fairly limited, but i still have hopes of taking these trips someday with my hubby (not like he’s an art-enthusiast, but a girl can dream).

so there! now you have a bit of the back story. i’m no travel expert. i’m not even a pragmatist.  i’m actually more of a travel fantasizer. with that said, this is how I like to roll and maybe i’ll throw in some tips for you divas on a budget!

it’s in the bag! in my world, fabulous luggage matters. even if you’re not flying via private jet to a five diamond hotel in an uber posh locale, your luggage sets the tone for the type of traveler you are.  i happen to be a louis vuitton girl.  many years ago i got a couple of great pieces.  no way i was getting a whole set, a la Kimora Lee, so i eventually supplemented with a chocolate brown tumi large suitcase. tumi is a high quality brand, but more bang for the buck than louis . but when I put the pieces all together, they complement one another.  you may not be into the designer thing, but you should still make sure your luggage is not a mishmash of randomness. (budget diva tip #1) even if you only buy one new piece every few years, make sure you are building a collection.  by the way, the louis should never be checked: 1) it begs to be stolen, and 2) have you seen how they handle your stuff? my LV pieces fit perfectly into the overhead bin. since the bigger pieces, are more expensive, I think we can call that (budget diva tip #2)

first class, darling? speaking of the overhead bin, how important is the cabin in which you fly? when I was a student, criss-crossing the country between Ohio and California,  I thought first-class was the ultimate. remember that scene in jerry mcguire? but, now it’s not high on my list. sure it’s nice, if you’re going a longer distance, to have some extra room and a little more attention. and it’s kinda cool to get to use the priority line for security and board the plane first. but ultimately, I prefer to use the money that would be spent here, towards some other aspect of the trip.  that said, if you’re enrolled in one of those point programs that the airlines offer, you can eventually end up getting free upgrades upon check-in! (budget diva tip #3)

do not disturb… where i may be a bit of a snob, is in my hotel accommodations.  for me, size doesn’t matter. i’d rather a small room in a posh hotel than a large room in a mediocre one. because i don’t get to travel a ton, i want it to feel special. if you travel often, you might be a bit jaded on this, but nothing makes this girl swoon, like seeing a couple of white robes and crested slippers in the closet.  i’m not sure how to do this on a tight budget, but there are websites that offer discounted fares like hotwire.com.  also, bundling your trip: air, hotel, and car can create additional savings (budget diva tip #4).

schedule in some spontaneity. ok, i know spontaneity can’t be planned, but if you have over-scheduled every moment of your trip, you’re sure to miss out on those opportunities that were unforeseeable.

ever been to a friend’s seemingly perfect home, only to return home and wonder how she keeps everything so tidy and organized?  rather than acknowledge that she likely spent hours to make it presentable for your visit (or that there’s a secret junk room where she stashed everything), you start to challenge (or guilt) yourself to do better at your own house.  similarly, you know that friend that always looks fantastic: perfect outfit, perfect hair, perfect makeup? don’t you feel a little pressure to put more effort into your own appearance, if you know you’re going to see her?

pinterest, for me, has become a bit like that perfect friend: a guilt-inducing pressure cooker.  why can’t i have an awesome body, the wardrobe and closet of a major fashionista, gorgeous mini-me children (for whom i daily prepare, gourmet, bento-box lunches with origami sandwiches),  an impeccably beautiful home that runs like a well-oiled machine, fabulous holiday decorations that i rotate throughout the year, and finger-lickingly delicious meals, cooked from scratch everyday?  ”they” do it on pinterest!

i’m obviously being a little over-the-top, but in all seriousness, we ladies (and some gentleman, i’m sure) do put a ton of pressure in pursuit of the appearance of perfection, and pinterest (and other forms of social media) can add to that sense that everyone is mastering it, except for you. but i’m here to tell you that it’s a lie!!! we cannot be perfect in each and every way.  it’s impossible.

i’m guilty too of cropping out the junk to snap a photo for instagram, facebook or twitter. but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.  on saturday i posted a pic collage of some of my favorite kitchen details.  why not, an overall photo? well, there was stuff on the counters! in fact, as i sit here typing, i can see dishes on my counter, waiting to be washed.  i had a free hour this morning, that could be spent taking care of some household chores or writing this post.  you can see what i chose.  and, you know? it’s okay.

as i’ve written before, pinterest can be inspiring (just over a year ago, i was completely smitten in this post).  i’ve gotten so many great recipes and ideas from there.  recently, i was inspired to makeover my pantry because of this photo from pinterest.  not only did it provide the inspiration, but also a resource, for how-to-do the labels, the font i used, where to find the scoopers, etc. it took me 5 months to carve out the time to do it, but i did it!  so why haven’t i posted the photos? hmmmm, i’ve asked myself, are they pintastic? and there, my friends, lies the problem.

teddy roosevelt said “comparison is the thief of joy…” i saw that on pinterest.  while i was fact-checking i came across this blog post, that addressed the same ideas.  for additional reading, you should head over there and check it out.  the writer provides some great action items.

so back to thanksgiving.  sure, there are tons of great pins for the how to set the perfect table, how to roast the perfect turkey, how to look like the perfect hostess.  but at the end of the day, just do the best that you can.  and rather than aim for perfection remember mary and martha from the bible (need a reminder? read it here).  don’t get so caught up in the preparations that you forget why you’re gathered in the first place.  if i may say so myself, i think i said it well last year (see here). and no, that’s not my turkey pictured.  i doubt mine will look that good.  truth is 2 years ago, i burned it!  this year, i will try not to do that.

wishing a happy (and charmed) thanksgiving to you and yours.

all photos (except pic collage) are from my frenemy pinterest.

“you don’t miss your water til your well runs dry. cliche but true.  appreciate what you have while you have it”

“…and write love letters while you wait”

the above was a recent tweeter exchange between me and my bff.  her response might seem strange, but she knew that my tweet was in reference to my hubby starting his busy season.  in this day of texting and emailing, writing love letters is a lost art form.  i remember 10 years ago when nancy reagan published a book of love letters written to her by president reagan over a span of forty plus years.  man, i was so charmed by that! (see story here). wouldn’t every girl adore even just one handwritten letter from her beau, eloquently expressing his feelings (let alone a whole lifetime’s worth)?!?  likewise, i’m sure there are some fellas out there who might enjoy the occasional penned note from the girl in his life, expressing her affections for him.

when i saw the above, gorgeous envelopes on pinterest, i was merely reminded of my stationary obsession. in fact, i have a board called “papier <3” to keep track of such pins. in real life and in pinterest, i have accumulated quite a collection. but i am ashamed to admit that i don’t really send too many letters.  what’s the point of fabulous stationary that isn’t being put to good use?  so now i’m inspired to actually get out some good paper and get to expressing myself.

i took the first step.  today, i hand-glittered my own envelopes.  i was going to order the ones from the photo via etsy, but remembered that i owned crane envelopes in that tiffany blue color and gold glitter from martha stewart’s collection.  i decided not to take the glitter as far down as the inspiration pic. just having that hint of sparkle is probably sufficient.  i made a couple of them and it only took a few minutes.  i taped off the the triangle, rubbed with a glue stick and sprinkled generously with glitter.

i really love how they turned out.  all i have to do now is write an enchantingly beautiful note to go with it!  speaking of crafting, i also recently DIYed myself a cute iPhone 5 case using the same glitter.  if you’ve looked, you know the designer cases are in short supply…kate spade and j.crew, my usual suppliers, have yet to release their updated versions.  i suspect they will catch up in time for the holidays. in the meanwhile, i purchased a clear one.  i then cut an index card into the iPhone shape, taped off some lines, spray painted gold, glittered all over, removed the tape and voila! the good news is that it didn’t take long and i can change it at my every whim .

but i digress, my bottom line is keep the sparkle alive with your guy by changing it up from time to time.  even if he doesn’t travel, stick a love note in his gym bag or brief case or the front seat of his car.  i’m sure he’ll appreciate the gesture and perhaps even do the same for you.  you may not end up with nancy’s collection, but with even just a little extra attention, all that glitters will truly be more precious than gold.  xoxo

but alas! inspired by a few images from pinterest (check out my “falling for fall” board, here), i’m bucking against that.  i actually started last year with black and white and silver decorations for our halloween bash.  and while there’s no party on the horizon this year, i still managed to get into the pumpkin spirit.  with a soft palette of cream, grey, “latte” and black, these are not your childhood jack-o-lanterns.  in fact, rather than carving kits and tea lights, i relied on spray paint, felt, hot glue, and bling. still, i love how they blend into my existing decor, adding just a dash of charm and humor. good news is that the mess and time spent was fairly minimal.

at first, i felt a tinge of mom-guilt for abandoning the traditional route. (i didn’t even let the kids help…yikes! and I could just hear my hubby complaining: “first all white christmas lights and now white pumpkins?!?”) but when they got home from school and saw my handiwork, they enjoyed it. besides, they aren’t really big halloween fans, so I think they enjoyed the subtle nod, without a big over-the-top moment. (reminds me of the time, I did go totally crazy and created a “spooky” halloween lunch for the kids and some friends…sound effects and fog machine and all. guess what–they hated it!) so, i guess it stands to reason, that this might be more in their realm of appreciation.

that’s not to say i can’t get out the newspaper and have a get-up-to-our-elbows-in-pumpkin-seeds-and-slime moment. if they want to do that, i’m totally into it, as long as I can paint it cream first, and they clean up all the mess. just kidding…a little.

by the way, i know it’s been a LONG while since my last post!  either i’ve been too busy crafting, or i’m in a bit of a transition  thanks for hanging in there with me!

if i had to describe my look, i’d say i lean more towards preppy or classic and that i like to look pulled together, but not overdone.  furthermore,  any fashion risks that i make tend to come by way of accessories (especially shoes), rather than thru clothing, hair or makeup.  in fact, with clothing, while i’m not enslaved to them, i do tend to be aware of the trends.  on the other hand, with hair and makeup, i’m generally quite clueless.  actually, most days, my hair is up and my makeup consist of mascara and lipgloss. (in the afore mentioned photo, i had neither.)

if reality tv is to blame for my perception, my schedule is to blame for my recent rut.  let me give you a little background info.  most mornings, kids are out the door by 7:15.  if my husband has driven them, i drink some tea and head to my bedroom to change into my tennis clothes, throw my hair up, dab on some lipgloss and head to the club for clinic.  i should mention that my hair has 2 phases, “fresh-pressed,” meaning recently straightened by my stylist, or “wash and go,” which is naturally wavy/curly.  the former can only stay that way, if i don’t go outside or workout, lol, so these days i’m mostly rocking the latter.  for anyone with this curly hair, you know, you kind of have to rewet it to revitalize it. otherwise it just looks cray cray.  hair product is also crucial: too much and it’s totally crunchy, not enough and you get the frizz.  but, i don’t usually care to shower, prior to a tennis clinic, so i do the best that i can to tame my fro and i’m out the door.  after the clinic, i run my errands, in my tennis clothes and by the time i get home, i have just enough time to prep dinner, shower, get dressed, go get the kids from school, and run them to all their after-school activities.  at this point, i’m usually in a decent outfit, but hair and makeup are hit or miss.  so what’s a mom to do?  recently i decided to rework my routine and so can you…

rule #1: leave some stuff to the professionals:

brows matter! develop a relationship with a brow professional.  i’ve started going to a place called beautiful brows, in my town, every two weeks.  i only see a specific girl and we are working a plan to get my brows fuller and into a great shape.  in the past, i’ve been pretty random with this, but not anymore!  the time commitment is only one hour per month and i think it’s totally worth it.

nail it! sure, you can do it at home, but there’s nothing like a professional manicure/ pedicure.  when my nails are done, i feel more put together.  this is also a place where i’m not afraid to be a bit edgier or more fashion forward.  even if you make a mistake, it’s one you will live with for less than a week (2-3 if you do the gel polish).  you can also keep an assortment of fun colors at home, in case you need a polish change, in between appointments. i used to only do soft pinks, but right now i’m loving dark colors, white, and sparkly shades (like “west end wonderland” by butter).  i’ve even tried the one-finger-different trend.  again, why not?  a good pedi should last a month and mani about 2 weeks, so the time commitment isn’t so bad.  meet up with a girlfriend for this little ritual (in stead of lunch) and kill two birds with one stone.  total time commitment is about 2 hours per month.

let’s face it, stress and poor habits can wreak havoc on our skin.  while there are lots of DIY home remedies, quarterly facials can help keep us on track to a flawless complexion.  i struggle with keeping this commitment myself, but i’m going to schedule one soon (and maybe even a massage, while i’m at it).  time commitment is 2-3 hours, four times per year.

just a trim, please! even for us ponytail girls, it’s important to get regular trims… and we all know that every 6 weeks is the recommendation.  so, go ahead and do it! my hair is much more manageable when it is trimmed.  again, there seem to be tons of youtube videos on how to do this at home, but i’m not willing to take such a risk, so i’ll be leaving this to the professionals.  as with the brows, cultivate a relationship with your hair stylist.  this way you can work together to achieve goals as they relate to length and texture (and color). time commitment is 2 hours every 6 weeks.

rule #2: get the right tools for use at home:

with our basics covered, we only have to figure out what to do, from day-to-day.  i started by collecting images on pinterest (check them out here) for fresh-faced makeup looks and quick and easy up-dos to keep myself out of the rut. i also visited my local ulta, for some makeup inspiration.  so happened they were featuring a “fresh faced look,”and i was able to get a few goodies.  it’s all in the eyes:  one product that i picked up that i’m totally loving is the “natural eye” kit from too faced cosmetics. not only does it come with a variety of shades that complement a variety of skin tones, it comes with little instruction cards on how to achieve different looks–from day to night–using this palette. i’ve been using it every day. it only takes a few minutes and i am getting lots of compliments.  in addition, i use a mascara by benefit that’s supposed to give the illusion of false eyelashes, called “yes they’re real.”  as i was prepping this post, i thought about the fact that my mom almost always has her eyes done.  i never really knew why, but i’m now convinced that it’s one of the easiest ways to perk up your face. click here, to read eye tricks from sarah lucero of stila.

read my lips: speaking of my mom, i randomly remembered the name of her longtime lipstick: raspberry glace by clinique. i looked it up and they actually still make it (now that’s a classic)!  it’s a really flattering berry color that i too wore in high school as well.  i haven’t worn that particular lip color in many (many) years, but the takeaway is that a little color on the lips goes a long way (and maybe mama does know best).  these days i rotate thru a few colors ranging from nude, to hot pink to coral red, but i know for a fact that when i take a picture with no lipstick, i always regret it! so from here on, i’m taking that moment to throw some on. and it only takes a minute. if you’re afraid of bright colors, try blotting it after you’ve applied it.  that tones it down a bit, but still leaves a nice pop of color!

no more bad hair days!  lastly, i came across a posting on pinterest, called 7 no-fail hairstyles for a bad hair day. these videos have changed my life!  rather than just sticking to a plain old ponytail, i’m trying some new up-dos.  all you need is a brush, bobby pins, some headbands, maybe a little product and you’re good to go.  same amount of time you would usually take, but with a fresh twist!

rule #3: make time for yourself!

so there you have it! i’ve been doing this for the past week and i do feel better.  in fact, on monday, i had a tennis match.  after going 0-3 in prior weeks, i got up that morning, did my hair in a cute little twisty do, did a subtle eye, and a hot pink lip.  guess what? not only did i get a few compliments, i won my match! as they say: when you look good, you feel good.  so, let’s do this, moms!  we can be carpool chic and so much more.  in fact, bring on the paparazzi.  we’re ready for our close ups

*by the way, in case all of the above fails…and it will somedays, though you have the best of intentions, invest in a fabulous pair of shades!!!

first thing i did was call a family meeting. i even set an agenda, which i wrote on the pantry door. everyone was instructed to bring their calendars* and to gather around the table. after an opening prayer, i went through all the bullet points and allowed the kids to discuss. the purpose was to establish best practices to eliminate excessive late nights and forgetfulness. though we wanted to hear the kids’ point of view, hubby and i ultimately made the final decisions. we also discussed the week ahead, to make sure everyone was aware of who had what. a weekly family meeting is something that we will do moving forward. it’s just so important to do these kind of check-ins. by the way, victor cruz was not a guest at our family meeting (though my two Giants fans would’ve totally freaked out over that). i had heard that victor treats practice with the same degree of seriousness as games, and i wanted to share this with the kiddos. we spend lots of time shuffling them to their practices and supporting their activities. while we want them to enjoy themselves, we want them to recognize that improvement only comes via handwork and dedication.

*a word on calendars! over the years, i have tried being a digital calendar girl. i like using iCal on my iPhone and apps like cozi, because of the portability, reminder alerts and the ability to share with others. but there’s something about writing things down on a paper calendar and seeing a week at a glance that works better with my kind of brain.

with that said, i’m a sucker for a good looking calendar and isn’t this momAgenda the cutest?! you know i love me some cheetah, leopard, whatever (as i told you over here). so when i spotted (haha, pun intended) this recently, i had to scoop it up. i love the story on these too: created by a mom, trying to keep her crew on track, and now we get to be the beneficiaries of her resourcefulness. for those of you, who do like to keep it digital, there’s even the momAgenda iPad app.

so, now i’m feeling empowered. keeping track of everyone and getting myself back on track. that’s the only way, i’m able to bring you this blog, make healthy food choices (when i’m not careful, i become a total snacker), play tennis and all-around do the things that i enjoy. a train may, in fact, continue to be a good metaphor for my life. leave the station, first stop– kids school, second stop– tennis clinic, third stop– grocery store and so on… as long as its not a runaway, i’m okay with it. all aboard!

and in all those years, i only knew one way to get to the city: by car service, of course.  no matter that it took 2 hours and a couple hundred dollars to get there, in my mind, it was the only way i knew.  i guess that sounds kinda diva-like, but honestly i was only infatuated with the glamorous part of the city…not the gritty part, and a car service guaranteed my safe arrival to my exact destination. ok, maybe i was a diva!

so at thanksgiving, when hubby decided to whisk me over to nyc for a quick getaway, while visiting his folks, i was a bit taken aback (deliberate understatement!)  by his decision to take the train…nj transit to be exact.  my father-in-law explained that it was super easy to jump on the train at newark penn station and that we would arrive at new york penn station in less than 20 minutes.  sounded good, but i was pretty sure this was no place for the louis vuitton luggage that would be accompanying me on our excursion. and wasn’t the train station dangerous?!?!?! (i saw “adventures in babysitting” back in the day… actually, that was a bus station, but this movie formed my early thoughts on the dangers of going downtown in a big city.)  surprisingly though, it was all good and little did i know: this lesson in public transpiration would serve me well just 7months later.

so fast forward to this recent trip. hubby actually drove us into the city, because we had lots of stuff. but he wasn’t staying and nor was the car, so we were going to have to figure out public transportation, or walk everywhere.  initially the latter was my first and only choice. i had survived the train back in november, but the subway was different (again, i reference adventures in babysitting–caution: this clip contains explicit language).  in my mind, i envisioned a very scary environment where you have to be completely on guard at every moment, lest you find yourself with your wallet stolen or in the middle of a turf war.

however it didn’t take long for me to realize that the convenience of the subway is unbeatable.  even then, i would only ride the 1 train, because i knew exactly where to get on and off and i wasn’t taking any chances on transfers.  more on that later!

remember i was in the city with my eleven year old daughter, as she participated in the joffrey ballet school summer intensive.  meanwhile my fourteen year old was hanging with my hubby and my in-laws.  taking a bit after her mother, she desperately wanted to get her moment in the city too.  so on our final day up north, she and i ventured out for an nyc adventure…just the two of us.  it would prove to be much like a final exam, where  i’d have to put all the pieces together: the train, the subway, the walking…all of it.   first, my in-laws, who commute an hour to work, would drive us from their town to newark, nj.  then we would purchase tickets and head to track 1 to get on the train to NYC Penn Station.  next we would take the E train and then transfer to the 6 train to visit my friend at her work (ha! all that time i insisted taking the 1 train…man, the E and the 6 were soooo much nicer!!).  she would help us map out the rest of the day:  first, we would walk to H&M for a bit of back-to-school shopping.  then we would take the 6 to union station to hit the farmer’s market and strand book store (see our bucket list).  next we would walk to chelsea market.  i had been there in my first week and knew this would be a hit with her.  after lunch and dessert at chelsea market, we would walk back to the train station to our awaiting train.  30 minutes later, we would be back in the car with my father-in-law heading back to PA.  no way would we have accomplished so much in one day without using the subway.  mission accomplished, fears averted!  who woulda thunk it?  the gritty old subway managed to charm a suburban princess.

the next day, we took the 9 hour drive back home with hubby at the wheel.  after being away for a month, we arrived home giddy about sleeping in our own beds.  it had certainly been a whirlwind trip and it would be nice to get back to a bit of normal.  the one thing i wasn’t so excited about, was getting back to being a minivan mama.  maybe i’ll have try out some of my city’s public transpiration and start hanging out uptown a bit.  at the very least i could see about walking around my neighborhood as much as possible….that’s a start!

i interrupt my musings on city life and country life and island life to bring you a post on everyday life.  specifically, i’m hear to talk to ya about laundry…yep laundry!  i’ve been wanting to do a laundry post for a while.  i love that nostalgia of laundry hanging on a line and i love a great laundry room.  yet, i have a bit of a love/hate relationship with this domestic chore.  i was prompted to write this by two recent events.  the first was during a visit to nantucket with my best friend.  while we were there, we got to hang out with her niece, whom i have known for sixteen years and who is now 18 and heading off to college in a few short weeks.  somehow, the subject of laundry came up and she declared that she didn’t know how to do laundry, to which my friend replied that she didn’t either upon leaving for college.  we proceeded to lightly discuss this topic, but of course, it got me thinking.  then yesterday, while doing laundry at my mother-in-law’s house, i had my eleven year old daughter assist me a bit.  we had the following conversation:

k:   this smell {of downy} reminds me of those sundays when you’d make us clean and i’d do my own laundry.   

me:  hmmm. you haven’t had to do that in a while.

k:  yeah, since olga’s been doing it. (pause) i’m not going to

do laundry when i get older.  

me:  really? who’s going to do it for you?

k:  olga.  or do you think she’ll be too old by that time?

me:  (laughing) well, you better work hard so you can have enough money to afford someone like olga to do your laundry for you.

k:  or my husband can just pay for it…

me:  oh my goodness, girl! just fold the laundry!

uh oh! i’ve got some explaining to do!  i remember doing laundry with my mom as a kid.  by the time i left for college, i could do it for myself and remember hauling it down to the dingy laundry room of my freshman dorm, so that i could have clean clothes to wear.  yes, i have paid my laundry dues and these kids need to know it.  now, in my charmed adult life, though i aim to be a Proverbs 31 woman, i must confess i have sometimes chosen to have the luxury of a nanny or housekeeper to assist me in keeping up with my domestic responsibilities.  i know this has also been the case with my friend and her niece. their moms always had help, so perhaps they didn’t have to bother with chores.  i’m not judging, but i believe there is true merit in being able to do these things for oneself–be you male or female.  and, i was shocked that i have not yet managed to convey this fact to my own children.  we don’t know where our lives will take us and a laundress or housekeeper is not a guaranteed part of our future.  we can’t take these luxuries for granted!  an intervention is definitely necessary.  don’t get me wrong, all 3 of my kids know how to do laundry, to varying degrees, even my seven year-old son.  i just want them to understand the importance of self-reliance. (honey, this does not mean getting rid of my help, i’ve already learned this lesson…)

trust me, i understand not enjoying the task of laundry.  i’ve already said i have a love/hate relationship, remember? on the one hand, i love clothes.  i have lots of clothes.  those clothes get dirty and need to be laundered.  also, i’m a wife and mom and this role usually involves making sure my family has clean clothes to wear.  i also love the scent of fresh laundry (especially downy…hmmmmm– i know it’s not all-natural, but that is such a good fragrance!).  what i don’t like is that doing laundry is very time-consuming and has soooo many steps: sort, wash individual load, transfer to dryer, fold, distribute, put away, repeat! this is really the case when you let it accumulate, which i have done and do not recommend.

nevertheless, it is something that we all have to do at some point in our lives (i guess unless we’re royal or insanely wealthy), a fact that we should convey to our children whether we have the luxury of help or not.  i read once that first lady, michelle obama, makes her children do chores.  they live in the white house, where they could have their every whim catered to, and yet she underscores the importance of knowing how to do for yourself and of not being too spoiled, by making the girls do some things on their own.  we should all take a page from her book on this.

i will say, again, that this philosophy does not just apply to girls.  my husband came to me knowing how to do laundry (thank you, mama knight) and i’ll prepare my son the same way.  because, just as i don’t want my girls assuming their husbands will help them afford certain luxuries, i also don’t want my son thinking “ah! my wife will just do that for me.”

i came across a charming tumblr today called modern girls & old-fashioned men and somehow the title brought this all home for me.  please indulge me, while i remove my feminist cap for a moment.  of course we want to raise modern daughters, in the sense that they believe there is no limit to what they can achieve.  we want them to know that their gender no longer creates a glass ceiling and that they can be strong and independent and successful in any career.  but this doesn’t mean not teaching them domestic skills.  truth is, some of them could shuck all of that independent ideology someday and marry an old-fashioned prince charming.  and sorry girls…that man is going to want some fresh undies. ironically, the fact that you aren’t all prissy about it, may just be the reason he chooses you, spoils you rotten, buys you a dream house at the vineyard and gets you your olga. 

inspired to get laundering? check out martha stewart’s tips or go ask your mom, even if she has “help” i’m sure she knows how to do it.

photos from pinterest.